I tried so hard to sleep yesterday...as if i ws trying to get somethng as ardous as changing the whole humanity...I tried evrythng..from washing my hands face feet....to having sm pills...hoping it would help me sleep...but smtimes u are so unfortunate that u canot even do things whihch are so so common to every one...

I am a normal man, with fears dreams, emotions, evrythng that can desribe me a Mortal.But till some time back I tght I was atleast at some times able to drive where my tghts will go next time when i wil put my brain cells into action......but since past few days..everythng disorientated....evrythg rotten..as if i am suffocating of my own shit....

I donot know what is the people in forbes list do, to make thier mark in ths world of evr increasing heads...what is they hav..and I am deprived of when god sent to be in ths earth...why i am so pathetic when world arnd me haS the basic necessities of love and life arnd them..why I am in noones arms...when i need it  most.....

Why life is so uncertain, why when we sleep we sleep as if we know, all about our world in which we are, and then when we wake up in the morning, something has been so drasticaly changed..why u wake up in an alien world....

I am sad, and may be thus I am tired, I just am so angry at myself that sometimes, I feel as if I cannot control the anger on myself, Its frustrating to be helpless, Its frustrating to be see things u most cherished pass by you, and u cannot even give it a last shot to catch it...U know its too late and with the fear that you will never have that one most cherished dream of your ever again, in your hands.....

I donot know, how people and books say, wake up to a new day everyday, Is it really possible..Is it really possible to do a shift delete and erase what pain you were going thru yesterday....

I know, Its my fault that I am standing here but then the randomness comes into play, you do somethings and then somethings happen, I never thought some of things can take gori shape when the picture is hazy, u start taking a tree as the most scary thning you hav ever seen...

Haziness is what i have created around me all my life, never let the clear view peep to others, and thus I was all perception some thought me as a tree and some as a ghost, but i never bothered, I never even stopped to clear it, I guess I was too happy in my own hazy world......

And today, in that haziness, I am suffocating, I want to get out, I want to show my real self, I want to be me, but now, I am stuck in that haziness, as It was my fate My destiny....I want to shout to let know my presence , that i have a feeling  which has always been clear, which has always been the most beutiful sunrize in my hazy world...but I am numb canot speak..too scared...

I donot want all it..I want to come out...I want to breathe...I want to live......