There was an article in TOI, which published an excerpt from the book named AIDSSUTRA, In which all prominent writer including Vikram seth, salman rushdie, Amartya sen whould try to shed some light on how the current india is coping with the AIDS Menance.

The article basically focusses on, the essay by salman rushdie in which he choses the most shady part of indian society, the hinjaras, a word in english tranlates to enunch or hermaphrodite.And to put more precisely, person with impotence having an ambiguity with the genitals classification.

As the article puts it, the ambiguity in their proper role in society leads to they being treated as representatives from an alien world, a world where things are looked upon with mockery, with shame but added with a flavour of Magic, a wonder on, where these people actlly live and put it more properly survive in society.

I had my first encounter with thm, when i was invited to some aunty son's party, with my mom.I saw them and eas enticed by this new species, They were for me...weird, I could make out they were men, but behaving like a women with some disorder and then, slowly as i started wearing pants from my short wearing days I realized they were Hinjaras, whom our society still fears, for it is believed that when they curse you it wld be doom for you and If they bless you, from their heart, you will get what u wanted.....The rumour was they know, from some source when there is a new born in family and they with their group would visit that place, to confirm that  the new born is not one of them, If not , They wld bless the child and If Yes, they wlld take the child away from their parents and would raise them as on of their own....

However, as the title says, This no head no tail society have been treated as a thing to pray and they rise much above the biological factors that seclude them from others, They represent the strength of man and courage of a women , they represent shiva and shakti, they represent fire and heat...They have been ardhnareshwar.

But to see from a laymans persepective, they are just trying to make their bread and butter in a society which would anyways not allow them to adopt normal means for a livelihood, and with law against begging, they are surely venturing and infact are skin deep into prostitution, leading to the entire essay by salman rushdie, over their miserable plight, coz to survive in a biased society they have created their own, and in that society they are answerable to their bosses and superior, and in ths rat race, they have to do whatever it takes to survive.....

We do need to thnk of some other alternatives for them , some feasible appraoch, where they donot live in a parralel world like ghost who pops up now and then, But like normal human beings who were on bad list of god, who just made them like that, with no actual fault of their own....

It has been raining whole damn day......

The plattering sound of rain, the smell of dry earth when it gets a warm hug by first showers of season is beautiful.The smell of warm coffee with samosas, makes me also wonder why I am cursing such a beautiful phenomenon called Rain.

But believe me when evry look outside reminds you of the last times your underwear was drenched in water.You want to get out and pray to god, everythng to an extent is beautiful, but too much of hugs, also makes life miserable.

And to add on, I live in a place called Hyderabad.Here we have pots wch can engulp a whole pulsar bike, and without even a burp.The roads are so pathetic with all the canyanons, that it makes feel, you are visiting some parts of moon, only differnece being, The Pots here are smelly, with unknown kinds of oragnic material ....

Yesterday, It poured for two hours continuosly and since on a Friday evening, Office is really not a good place to be, I decided to venture out and altgh whole day I was a bit rough, I thought It wld be better to reach at room and have some medicine rather than waiting for the Mr Rain god to take a break.....

And then, me and My Bike were at mercy of roads , just hoping that we wont land in pots which are deeper than our combined heights.At one point it was as if, I was riding on water, My whole bike was kindaa submerged.Just holded my acceleartor, hoping to land in some baby pots in the wombs of mother canyons....

I came out alive and managed to reach home, with My bike complaining about washing her, only in those muddy waters.

Hoping not to get fever tommorrow......

I tried so hard to sleep yesterday...as if i ws trying to get somethng as ardous as changing the whole humanity...I tried evrythng..from washing my hands face feet....to having sm pills...hoping it would help me sleep...but smtimes u are so unfortunate that u canot even do things whihch are so so common to every one...

I am a normal man, with fears dreams, emotions, evrythng that can desribe me a Mortal.But till some time back I tght I was atleast at some times able to drive where my tghts will go next time when i wil put my brain cells into action......but since past few days..everythng disorientated....evrythg rotten..as if i am suffocating of my own shit....

I donot know what is the people in forbes list do, to make thier mark in ths world of evr increasing heads...what is they hav..and I am deprived of when god sent to be in ths earth...why i am so pathetic when world arnd me haS the basic necessities of love and life arnd them..why I am in noones arms...when i need it  most.....

Why life is so uncertain, why when we sleep we sleep as if we know, all about our world in which we are, and then when we wake up in the morning, something has been so drasticaly changed..why u wake up in an alien world....

I am sad, and may be thus I am tired, I just am so angry at myself that sometimes, I feel as if I cannot control the anger on myself, Its frustrating to be helpless, Its frustrating to be see things u most cherished pass by you, and u cannot even give it a last shot to catch it...U know its too late and with the fear that you will never have that one most cherished dream of your ever again, in your hands.....

I donot know, how people and books say, wake up to a new day everyday, Is it really possible..Is it really possible to do a shift delete and erase what pain you were going thru yesterday....

I know, Its my fault that I am standing here but then the randomness comes into play, you do somethings and then somethings happen, I never thought some of things can take gori shape when the picture is hazy, u start taking a tree as the most scary thning you hav ever seen...

Haziness is what i have created around me all my life, never let the clear view peep to others, and thus I was all perception some thought me as a tree and some as a ghost, but i never bothered, I never even stopped to clear it, I guess I was too happy in my own hazy world......

And today, in that haziness, I am suffocating, I want to get out, I want to show my real self, I want to be me, but now, I am stuck in that haziness, as It was my fate My destiny....I want to shout to let know my presence , that i have a feeling  which has always been clear, which has always been the most beutiful sunrize in my hazy world...but I am numb canot speak..too scared...

I donot want all it..I want to come out...I want to breathe...I want to live......